Shame Breakers

Many people struggle with sexual thoughts and/or do things that go against what they know are right or best for themselves sexually. This ranges from atheists to fundamentalist religious people. However, it is often the deeply religious person who struggles the most with sexual immorality.

Prominent Christian pastors who have preached on the evils of pornography, lust, and sexual sin have become media headlined victims of what they preached against. Prostitution and pornography business's often dramatically increase when Christian leadership conferences or conventions come into cities. Victory seems (for many) to be elusive.

Yet this is a struggle that I believe anyone can gain victory over. So why aren't more people doing that? What is the key to loosen the destructive grip of lust and destructive sexual behavior? In this article I will propose a very effective, proven answer that will very likely challenge some strongly held preconceptions.

The reason more people don't gain victory over lust and sexual perversion is that the beliefs most people have been taught from childhood about the human body and sex feed the struggle. Most of our beliefs about nudity and sex make the lure of lust and perversion stronger, not weaker!! This struggle is often most difficult for strongly religious people because they are taught the body and sex are bad, so that is what the mind believes and produces.

The Christian Bible says humans are the crowning masterpiece of God's creation. Yet the "Christian" culture in the USA says that sex and the unclothed body (both essentially human) are indecent, offensive, dirty, and obscene! We've been taught to believe that what is outside (a body) causes lust and perversion, not what is inside (our beliefs). Therefore, we have not learned how to accept or respond to the human body (clothed AND UNCLOTHED) or sex in a wholesome, positive, healthful, respectful and (for religious people) Godly ways.

While I don't recommend this if you are struggling with sexuality, a search on the Internet quickly reveals our predominant beliefs about sex. Porn comes up at the top of the list quickly followed by many derogatory terms such as slut, whore, and fuck, you get the idea. Our societies predominant beliefs about nudity and sex are degrading rather than uplifting, affirming, positive and healthy.

In the U.S. virtually the only context that nudity is commonly seen is degrading or abusive via pornography, rather than a positive, healthy context such as sports like swimming. Given this, is it merely a coincidence that we also have some of the highest rates for rape, sexual assault/abuse, and teenage pregnancy in the world. When nudity is consigned to only sex and pornography there are negative consequences. When sexuality in our lives and culture is most often consigned to degrading and abusive contexts there are negative consequences. Asking someone who struggles with lust to live in a society that is filled with sexually degrading, abusive, tantalizing, and provocative messages is like inviting an alcoholic to live in a bar. No wonder we have problems!

Pornography exploits and perverts our natural, healthy interest in the body and sex, it demeans and cheapens both. It is unrealistic, exploitative, and oriented to stimulating destructive and unattainable sexual fantasies in those who view it. The problem with porn isn't that it is sexual, it's that it depicts sex as casual, meaningless, often violent and degrading, especially to women. It takes what should be a deeply personal, intimate, and beautiful expression of love and life, making it an impersonal and cheap source of self-gratification.

As long as there are humans there will likely be interest in pornography, even if non-sexual nudity and healthy sexual attitudes where commonplace. However when non-sexual nudity is suppressed and degrading sexual attitudes predominate it exponentially compounds the struggle with sexual lust and perversion.

One of the more common ways many deal with sexual immorality is with suppression. However sex is one of the strongest drives humans have. Not only does suppression not work, it backfires. Suppression leaves a void and provides an open opportunity for something destructive and degrading (such as pornography) to fill the void and thrive.

A gentleman I've corresponded with, who has been doing some research on pornography, wrote this to me: "So far, anyone I've asked about their history with pornography who claim an 'addiction to pornography,' have all told me that they grew up in backgrounds where it was forbidden for them to view nudity. As a result, these people seem to now have the compulsion to digest hoards of the material and can't seem to get enough of it." Repression clearly doesn't work and can have some very negative consequences.

The mind goes toward its most dominant thought. Sex is very high in human dominant thought. It isn't IF we think about sex, it's HOW we think about sex that is key. If we think that nudity and/or sex can only be indecent, impure, and obscene then that is how we will react to it. However, if positive, wholesome, healthy, experiences and/or images of nudity and sex far outweigh impure or degrading ones we will react to sex and nudity differently. Our reaction to it won't be exclusively or instinctively destructive or perverted.

This is partially proven by the fact that simple nudity itself does not sexually excite doctors, nudists, or people in cultures that are not clothes compulsive. The gentleman I quoted above continued by saying: "I have also had the opportunity to know a great deal of people who were "never" sequestered from being able to view nudity, and who now could care less about pornography. I'm one of those people along with my brothers and sisters." It is only when nudity is associated with sex and pornography and little to nothing else that it (by itself) arouses lustful thoughts. This is the situation in the U.S. today. This situation causes many people to view something wonderful as bad or indecent.

Focus on the Family has a web site called pureintimacy.org that is designed to address online sexual temptation. I agree with much of what the site says, what disturbs me is where it stops short. In an article called “Bold Next Steps” the author says:

                              “Viewing pornography is like digging trenches in the mind and
                              filling it with junk. God can restore and remove the junk and
                              we can stop filling the trenches with more junk. But I believe
                              there is another element. We need to fill the trenches with
                              positive and godly stuff. A heart committed to Christ and a
                              mind soaking in the things of Christ provides powerful,
                              life-changing energy. My first recommendation is to fill your
                              mind with the things of God.”

                              “The Bible is a great place to start. Christian music, devotional
                              material, Christian magazines, regular attendance at worship
                              services, joining a small group and reading Christian books,
                              are also important. Doing things will NOT bring about
                              healing--only God heals. However, making use of wonderful
                              Christian resources can provide power and can assist in filling
                              the trenches in our minds.”

The problem with this is it's not effective redirection, as it is not on topic. The topic here is sex. Christian music, devotional material, etc. do nothing to replace unwholesome, junky and destructive beliefs about sex with positive, healthy, wholesome, or Godly beliefs about sex. It really disturbs me that this author seems to be implying that sex can not be positive or godly! Those negative, unwholesome images/beliefs need to be replaced with positive, affirming, healthy beliefs about SEX, not something else!

For Christians a completely new attitude toward nudity and sex as things of God to be gratefully accepted and respected rather than exploited or maligned as indecent is the answer to ending the struggle with lust and sexual perversion. The same principles can be used by non-Christians as well. The body and sex are good things to be respected not belittled.

The last statement in another article on the Pure Intimacy site called “Subtle Dangers of Pornography” says:

                                   In the book, Men Confront Pornography, Michael S.
                                   Kimmel maintains that pornography is one of the major
                                   sources of sexual information that young males have
                                   about sexuality and is therefore the central mechanism
                                   by which their sexuality has been constructed. "Men
                                   can no longer hide behind pornography as harmless
                                   fun."

Again this statement does not go far enough. The reason “pornography is one of the major sources of sexual information that young males have about sexuality” is that there are few if any healthy, respectful opportunities for them to fulfill their strong natural interest in the nude human form, as well as very little positive and open communication in this society regarding sex. Comprehensive factual sex education promoting values of respect should be manditory in our schools! (but that's several more articles!)

What if our beliefs and communication about sex where so healthy and positive, in our deeply rooted beliefs that abusive and destructive forms of sex had little to no power to attract us? (Of course high self esteem is also essential to this.)

What if the context of sex in this society and our media was more positive and healthy? Would it be possible that we would have healthier, more positive attitudes toward the body? Would it be possible that we would have fewer sexual crimes and struggle less with lust over another's body?

What if there was an accepted far broader context for nudity? What if being nude for non-sexual things like athletics, swimming, camping, working and relaxing around the house and yard, a day at the park, etc. were commonplace?

European countries with far healthier sexual attitudes have proven that it is possible. It has also been shown that children who grow up in families where nudity is common have very little to no interest in pornography, have higher self-esteem, and a much more balanced and healthy outlook on the body and sex then children who where raised in homes were non-sexual nudity wasn't allowed.

Many adults have been freed from addiction to pornography and the struggle with sexual lust or perversion, (or found the struggle to be greatly reduced) after being introduced to non-sexual, social nudity and learning to see the nude body and sex in a more positive and healthier context.

Believing the human body is indecent and the cause of lust, when unclothed, is destructive, unhealthy, and the result of destructive conditioning or preconceptions. Believing sex is essentially sinful and dirty does the same. Redirecting beliefs toward positive acceptance of nudity and sex has been proven to help develop a more balanced, and healthy outlook on both. Acceptance of non-sexual nudity defuses lust and the attraction to pornography.

After many years of study it is clear that the predominate view that "nudity causes or instigates lust" is destructive and very unhealthy. I've seen the harm that negative attitudes about the body cause. We all have. I find it offensive that any part of the human body is considered indecent and a source of lust by so many. The main reason people can't gain victory over lust, is because they keep holding on to the destructive beliefs that nudity (by itself) is indecent and instigates lust, or that sex is sinful, degrading, and indecent. They see the human body and sex as the source of the problem instead of realizing that it is our wrong beliefs that are the source of the problem.

The good news is that our core beliefs about sex (or anything) can be changed. I've included links to several great resources to help change beliefs on the links page. None of these resources target sexuality directly, but what you learn from these resources to change beliefs can easily be applied to sexuality and nudity.

A very effective way to quickly change your beliefs about nudity is to actually experience social nudity in a non-sexual context. Actually being nude around other nude people of both sex's and all ages where there is no expectation of sex can transform your beliefs about nudity and make them healthier amazingly fast.

While the thought of being nude around others may initially produce stress actually doing it helps tremendously to reduce a lot of stress and tension. You know how good it feels like to get your shoes off after a hard day, how'd you like to feel like that all over? There are also links to nudist/naturist associations on the links page check them out and give it a try.

Sexuality is basic to our nature. If little to no information is taught about sex it creates a void. If that void isn’t filled in a positive, healthy ways it will be filled in a destructive and unhealthy ways!

We can loosen this destructive grip by changing how we believe about (and thus respond to) the human body and sex. The most effective way to win this battle in our beliefs. Our beliefs about sex and nudity are absolutely key to sexual morality. If you learn to view the body and sex in more positive and healthy ways you will discover much if not total freedom from lust and sexual perversion finding it natural rather than a struggle to live a sexually moral life.

If this article has challenged you, I hope you will seek further information on healthy sexuality, rather than simply continuing to accept your pre-established beliefs.

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